Do's:These are things you really should do. |
|---|
| Be mostly sober and awake. |
| Have a Computer. |
| Be in front of the Computer. |
| Have the Computer power turned on. |
| Know what kind of computer you have. |
| Know what Operating system you are using. |
| Know there the keys on the keyboard. |
| Have a basic grasp of what a mouse and keyboard are or get someone that does. |
| Have the ability to press more than one key at the same time ie. Ctrl-K. |
| Have a pad of paper and a WORKING pen or pencil. |
| RTFM |
| Check the phone lines and power cords. |
| Read the requirements for the Software. No Mac on a Windows Machine. |
| Write down EXACTLY the error message or GPF you have before you call us. |
| Turn off your call waiting before calling a technician. |
| Go to the bathroom before you call. |
| Realize you are calling for tech support not a personal counselor. |
| Tell me what you see on your screen |
| What the nice tech suggests, even if you've done it before. |
Don'ts:These are things you really shouldn't do. |
|---|
| Click sign on until the tech says so. |
| Leave your hard drive untitled. |
| Refer to "You know, that weird looking thing at the top of the picture." |
| Call tech support to ask if you need a phone line to operate the modem. |
| Talk about your dogs aunts nephews daughters lover that came over and made some really rude noises |
| Use a speakerphone! |
| Call us on the same phone line as the computer when you have two phone lines. |
| Call for Tech Support when your power is out! |
| Ask for a phone number without having a pen and paper ready. |
| Don't type on the keyboard, then say you weren't. |
| Chew gum while talking. |
| Repeat everything the Tech asks you. |
| Try to continue your call after your Cell Phone starts dropping you. |
| Threaten us with lawsuits before you read the manual. |
| Say you have 1.6 Gigabytes when we ask how much RAM memory you have. |
| Insult the Tech you are talking to while they are editing your SYSTEM.INI file. |
| Bring your friends, family, church and neighbors along for moral support. |
| Bother calling if your computer is older than the tech you will be talking to... |
| Tell us you have a hayes compatible modem. |
| Call from work when your computer is at home. |
| Turn the volume up so loud on the TV in the other room that you can hear it while on the phone |
| Carry on conversations with every member of your family while talking to the tech. |
| Start off by saying "let me tell you the story..." |
| Tell the Tech that YOU don't think that's the problem. |
| Expect me to know how to spell your name if it has more than 3 consecutive consonants. |
| Relay the call from accross the room via your even more Computer illiterate spouse. |
| Play DOOM/MYST/MECH WARRIOR while waiting on hold. |
| Be using a Commadore 64 or other electronic equipment of that type... |
| Call tech support for a specific program if you can't even boot your system. |
| Call us after a heavy night of hitting the crack pipe... |
| Sigh and say, "I already did that and it didn't work". |
| Threaten the tech. |
| Tell the technician that your computer is illiterate. |
| Whisper or mumble your answers. |